{"id":1375,"date":"2017-04-30T05:16:14","date_gmt":"2017-04-30T12:16:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/worldcampaign.net\/?p=1375"},"modified":"2017-04-30T05:16:14","modified_gmt":"2017-04-30T12:16:14","slug":"white-house-correspondents-dinner-see-hasan-minhajs-scorching-speech-vanity-fair","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/worldcampaign.net\/?p=1375","title":{"rendered":"“White House Correspondents\u2019 Dinner: See Hasan Minhaj\u2019s Scorching Speech”, Vanity Fair"},"content":{"rendered":"
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By Hillary Busis, Television, April 29, 2017<\/p>\n

The Daily Show<\/em> correspondent took no prisoners when he took the stage.<\/p>\n

I would say it is an honor to be here, but that would be an alternative fact,\u201d Hasan Minhaj\u00a0<\/strong>joked at the start of his scorching, 25-minute White House Correspondents\u2019 Dinner set. \u201cNo one wanted to do this. So of course, it landed in the hands of an immigrant. That\u2019s how it always goes down.\u201d<\/p>\n

That wry quip about sums up the tone of Minhaj\u2019s speech, a rousing roast of the media, Donald Trump<\/strong>, and, yes, the WHCD itself that earned a few groans\u2014some members of the audience still weren\u2019t ready to laugh at a punchline about Hillary Clinton\u2019s<\/strong> ground game in Wisconsin and Michigan\u2014but also pumped some much-needed energy into an unusually sleepy event. Most years, the WHCD is a star-studded night marked by numerous celebrity guests, including the sitting president; in 2017, both the commander in chief and the lion\u2019s share of celebrities stayed away<\/a>, dulling the shine of a customarily glitzy evening. (Near the beginning of the program, White House Correspondents Association president Jeff Mason hyped up a special guest appearance\u2014which turned out to be a one-second clip of Alec Baldwin<\/strong> as Trump, saying \u201cKeep up the good work!\u201d from behind the scenes at Saturday Night Live<\/em>.)<\/p>\n

But though Minhaj knew he\u2019d been given a mostly thankless job, he rose to the occasion anyway, gleefully burning both the faces absent from the festivities\u2014namely, Trump and the members of his administration\u2014and those that had dared to show up, including the biggest stars of CNN and MSNBC. Some of his jokes were a little old hat\u2014the leader of the nation wasn\u2019t at the dinner, Minhaj joked, because \u201che lives in Russia\u201d\u2014but many of them hit, especially when the Daily Show<\/em> correspondent marveled at Trump\u2019s teetotaling (\u201cEvery statement, every interview, every tweet\u2014completely sober. How is that possible?!\u201d), tore into CNN\u2019s on-air theatrics (\u201cI watch CNN, it feels like you\u2019re assigning me homework. \u2018Is Trump a Russian spy?\u2019 . . .You tell me! I\u2019m watching the news<\/em>!), and empathized with the difficult position in which journalists now find themselves: \u201cYou are how the president gets his news. Not from advisors, not from experts, not from intelligence agencies\u2014you guys. So that\u2019s why you gotta be twice as good. You can\u2019t make any mistakes. Because when one of you messes up, he blames your entire group. And now you know what it feels like to be a minority.\u201d That last line got one of the biggest ovations of the evening.<\/p>\n

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For more from Minhaj, read a full transcription of his remarks below.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/section>\n
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Thank you, wow. Oh my god. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the series finale of the White House Correspondents\u2019 Dinner. Oh man! My name is Hasan Minhaj, or as I\u2019ll be known in a few weeks, no. 830-287. Who would\u2019ve thought with everything going on in the country right now, that a Muslim would be standing on this stage, for the ninth year in a row, baby? We had 8 years of Barack, what\u2019s another year? I see you, fam! I see you Barry! What you doing right now? You jet-skiing while the world burns? That\u2019s cool, that\u2019s cool. That\u2019s cool.<\/p>\n

For those of you who don\u2019t know me, I am a correspondent on The Daily Show, on Comedy Central. Now, I see some of you whispering to each other\u2014\u201cWhat is Comedy Central?\u201d Um, it\u2019s basically an internship for Netflix.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d like to thank Jeff Mason and the White House Correspondents\u2019 Association for having me. I would say it is an honor to be here, but that would be an alternative fact. It is not. No one wanted to do this. So of course, it lands in the hands of an immigrant. That\u2019s how it always goes down. N on one wanted this gig! No one! Don Rickles died just so you wouldn\u2019t ask him to do this gig. R.I.P. to Don Rickles, the only Donald with skin thick enough to take a joke like that. R.I.P. to the legend.<\/p>\n

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I\u2019m sorry, I\u2019m sorry. That\u2019s my only Trump joke. I was explicitly told not to go after the administration. I promise you, that was my only trump joke. [Mason, from off screen: \u201cYou were not told that.\u201d]<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

It is amazing to be surrounded by some of the greatest journalists in the world, and yet when we all checked into the Hilton on Friday, we all got a USA Today. Every time a USA Today slides underneath my door, it\u2019s like they\u2019re saying, \u201cHey, you\u2019re not that smart, right?\u201d USA today is what happens when the coupon section takes over the newspaper. \u201cIs this an article about global warming, or 50 cents off Tide? Either way, the pictures are so pretty!\u201d<\/p>\n

Tonight is about defending the first amendment and the free press, and I am truly honored to be here, even though all of Hollywood pulled out now that King Joffrey\u2019s president, and it feels like the Red Wedding in here. For the record, the WHCA is a group of journalists that cover the White House. They are not King Joffrey\u2019s goons. So I\u2019m so glad you guys are all here tonight to honor a great American tradition, because we all know that this administration loves deleting history faster than Anthony Weiner when he hears footsteps. So thank you for being here.<\/p>\n

Okay, listen. I get it, I get it\u2014we gotta address the elephant that is not in the room. The leader of our country is not here. And that\u2019s because he lives in Moscow, and it\u2019s a very long flight. It would be hard for Vlad to make it. Vlad can\u2019t just make it on a Saturday. It\u2019s a Saturday!<\/p>\n

As for the other guy, I think he\u2019s in Pennsylvania because he can\u2019t take a joke. Now! For the nine people watching on CSPAN, there also was another elephant in the room\u2014but Donald Trump Jr. shot it and cut off its tail.<\/p>\n

You know, a lot of people told me, Hasan, if you go after the administration, it would be petty, unfair, and childish. In other words, presidential. So here we go.<\/p>\n

I get why Donald Trump didn\u2019t want to be roasted tonight. By the looks of him, he\u2019s been roasting nonstop for the past 70 years. Historically, the president usually performs at the Correspondents\u2019 Dinner. But I think I speak for all of us when I say he\u2019s done far too much bombing this month. Now, a lot of people in the media say that Donald Trump goes golfing too much. You guys are always like, \u201cHe goes golfing too much!\u201d Which raises a very important question: why do you care? Do you want to know what he\u2019s not doing when he\u2019s golfing? Being president! Let the man putt putt! Keep him distracted! Teach him how to play badminton. Tell him he has a great body for bobsledding. Play him Tic-Tac-Toe. The longer you keep him distracted, the longer we\u2019re not at war with North Korea.<\/p>\n

Every time Donald Trump goes golfing, the headline should read: \u201cTrump Golfing, Apocalypse Delayed. Take the W.\u201d This is great. I love this. Even if you guys groane, I already hired Kellyanne Conway. She\u2019s going to go on TV on Monday and tell everyone I killed, so it really doesn\u2019t matter.<\/p>\n

But I love that everybody\u2019s drinking and having a good time. This is beautiful. You know Donald Trump doesn\u2019t drink, right? Does not touch alcohol. Which is oddly respectable. But think about that. That means every statement, every interview, every tweet, completely sober. How is that possible? We\u2019ve all had that excuse, haven\u2019t we? \u201cWhat? No, listen babe, I swear to you I was hammered! That\u2019s not who I really am!\u201d What does Donald Trump tell Melania? \u201cListen, babe, last year on that bus with Billy Bush, that\u2019s exactly who I am.\u201d He tweets at 3 a.m., sober. Who is tweeting at 3 a.m. sober? Donald Trump, because it\u2019s 10 a.m. in Russia. Those are business hours.<\/p>\n

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You know, now that a professional wrestler\u2019s our president, anything is possible. You know, that statement, anything is possible, used to have a positive connotation. Now we\u2019re all like, \u201canything is possible.\u201d Anything. The news coming out of the White House is so stressful, I\u2019ve been watching House of Cards just to relax. I\u2019m just like, aw, man! A congressman pushed a journalist in front of a moving train? That\u2019s quaint!<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Now, it\u2019s not just the president who decided not to show up. His entire administration is not here. Betsy Devos couldn\u2019t be here; she\u2019s busy curating her collection of children\u2019s tears. Now, a lot of people think Betsy Devos is out of touch with working-class America, but you listen to me, and you listen to me right now: every morning, Betsy Devos is up at 5 a.m. putting her children on their flight to school. So don\u2019t you tell me she\u2019s out of touch, okay?<\/p>\n

Hey, has anyone see Rick Perry since he became energy secretary? I have a feeling he\u2019s sitting in a room full of plutonium waiting to become Spider-Man. That\u2019s just my hunch.<\/p>\n

Now, a lot of people think Steve Bannon is the reason Donald Trump dog whistles to racists. And that is just not true. Ask steve Bannon. Is Steve Bannon here? I do not see Steve Bannon. I do not see Steve Bannon. Not see Steve Bannon\u2026 not-see Steve Bannon\u2026 Nazi Steve Bannon.<\/p>\n

Frederick Douglass isn\u2019t here, and that\u2019s because he\u2019s dead. Someone please tell the president.<\/p>\n

Mike Pence wanted to be here tonight, but his wife wouldn\u2019t let him because apparently one of you ladies is ovulating. So good job, ladies. Because of you, we couldn\u2019t hang out with Mike Pence.<\/p>\n

Now Ivanka Trump isn\u2019t here either, and I wish she was. Because if she was here, I would ask her the question that we\u2019re all thinking: why? Why do you support this man? Because I get it. We all love our parents. But we wouldn\u2019t endorse them for president. If someone\u2019s like hey, Hasan, should your dad be president of the United States? I\u2019d be like, my dad? Najmi Minhaj? The guy who tries to return used underwear to Costco? No!<\/p>\n

Jeff Sessions couldn\u2019t be here tonight. He was busy doing a pre-Civil War reenactment. On his RSVP he just wrote, \u201cno.\u201d Just no! Which happens to be his second favorite n-word.<\/p>\n

Even Hillary Clinton couldn\u2019t be here tonight. I mean, she could have been here, but I think someone told her the event was in Wisconsin and Michigan. What? You guys! You know, Nate Silver told me that joke would kill. Nate Silver told me there was a 74.1 percent chance of that joke killing. I believed you, Nate! You hear that groan, Nate? I can\u2019t believe I believed you.<\/p>\n

Okay, enough about House Slytherin. We are here to talk about the truth. It is 2017, and we are living in the golden age of lying. Now\u2019s the time to be a liar, and Donald Trump is liar in chief. And remember, you guys are public enemy no. 1. You are his biggest enemy. Journalists, ISIS, normal-length ties. And somehow, you\u2019re the bad guys. That\u2019s why you gotta keep your foot on the gas. Especially with Sean Spicer, who is not here tonight because I think he\u2019s at home Googling how to fake his own death. But I love it when you give it to Sean Spicer. Sean Spicer gives pres briefings like someone is going through his browser history while he watches. \u201cStop it, stop it! Stop shaking your head, stop shakig oyur head! We\u2019ll talk about this tomorrow!\u201d It is the best. Now, you guys are laughing, but realize Sean Spicer\u2019s been doing PR since 1999. He has been doing this job for 18 years, and somehow after 18 years, his go-to move when you ask him a tough question is denying the Holocaust. That is insane. How many people do you know who can turn a press briefing into a full-blown Mel Gibson traffic stop? Only the Spice Man. Only the Spice Man.<\/p>\n

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You know what\u2019s crazy? Every day on The Daily Show, we do these jokes all the time: \u201cthe administration lies, Trump flip flops.\u201d It doesn\u2019t matter. His supporters still trust him. It has not stopped his momentum at all. It\u2019s almost as if The Daily Show should be on CSPAN. It has left zero impact.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

It\u2019s true! And I realized something\u2014maybe it\u2019s because we\u2019re living in this strange time where trust is more important than truth. And supporters of President Trump trust him. And I know journalists, you guys are definitely trying to do good work. I just think that a lot of people don\u2019t trust you right now. And can you balme them? I mean, unlike Anderson cooper\u2019s bone structure, you guys have been far from perfect. Remember Election Night? That was your Steve Harvey Miss Universe moment. The look on your faces at 11 p.m. on Election Night, it was like walking into a Panera Bread and finding out your sixth grade teacher has a part time job in there. I was like, \u201cwhat? Mr. Leddington? I guess you don\u2019t have all the answers!\u201d<\/p>\n

Because it was all fun and games with Obama, right? You were covering an adult who could speak English. And now you\u2019re covering President Trump, so you have to take your game to a whole new level. It\u2019s like if a bunch of stripper cops had to solve a real-life murder.<\/p>\n

Fox News is here. I\u2019m amazed you guys even showed up. How are you here in public? It\u2019s hard to trust you guys when you backed a man like Bill O\u2019Reilly for years. But it finally happened: Bill O\u2019Reilly has been fired. But then, you gave him a $25 million severance package, making it the only package he won\u2019t force a woman to touch.<\/p>\n

Now, in O\u2019Reilly\u2019s defense, he was told by a close friend, when you\u2019re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.<\/p>\n

You guys are having a hard time with Jesse Waters right now, too. He\u2019s \u201con a break right now,\u201d right. He\u2019s \u201con a break.\u201d Just like my childhood dog is \u201cstaying at a farm upstate.\u201d I get it. I know that move.<\/p>\n

Now I know some of you are wondering, Hasan, how do you know so much about Fox News? Well, as a Muslim, I like to watch Fox News for the same reason I like to play Call of Duty. Sometimes, I like to turn my brain off and watch strangers insult my family and heritage.<\/p>\n

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MSNBC is here tonight. And I\u2019m glad you guys are here tonight. That way if I\u2019m bombing, Brian Williams will describe it as stunning. MSNBC, it\u2019s hard to trust you guys when you send us so many mixed messages. On one hand, you tell us the prison industrial complex is the problem, and then you air five straight hours of lockup. You can\u2019t be mad at corporations profiting off of minorities and prison when you\u2019re a corporation profiting off of minorities and prison.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

I have one quick request: MSNBC, please tell Rachel Maddow to chill about Trump\u2019s tax returns. I don\u2019t know what you think you\u2019ll find in there, but there isn\u2019t going to be a line item that just says \u201cbribes from Russia.\u201d That\u2019s not how it works. You\u2019re like \u201coh, I found the 1040 USSR!\u201d It doesn\u2019t work like that. You\u2019re the liberal news outlet! We dress the same; I look like a melanin version of Chris Hayes. I want to root for you guys, but you\u2019re turning into conspiracy theorists every night. You\u2019re like, \u201cthe Russians hacked our elections! The Russians hacked our elections!\u201d Meanwhile, everybody in Latin America and the Middle East is like, \u201cohhh, a foreign government tampered with your elections? What is that like? Do tell, MSNBC!\u201d<\/p>\n

Just pump the breaks! We\u2019re only on Day 100. By the end of the year, you\u2019re all going to have tinfoil hats and jars of urine all over your desks.<\/p>\n

Now, I had a lot more MSNBC jokes. But I don\u2019t want to just ramble on; otherwise I might just get a show on MSNBC.<\/p>\n

Last but not least, my favorite entertainment channel is in the building tonight. CNN is here, baby. Now! You guys got some really weird trust issues going on with the public. I\u2019m not going to call you \u201cfake news,\u201d but everything isn\u2019t breaking news. You can\u2019t go to DEFCON 1 just because Sanjay Gupta found a new moisturizer. Every time a story breaks, you guys go to nine screens. Nine boxes on the screen\u2014I\u2019m trying to watch the news, not pick a player in Street Fighter. It\u2019s giving me anxiety! If you have nine experts on a panel, what is your barrier of entry? \u201cHere to talk about transportation infrastructure is my Uber driver, Gary. Gary, whaddaya got?\u201d It just says Gary, 4.8 stars. He\u2019s like, \u201cI don\u2019t know, I got a mint?\u201d \u201cThanks, Gary. Let\u2019s go to the count down clock to the next count down clock.\u201d<\/p>\n

All you guys do is stoke up conflict. Don, every time I watch your show it feels like I\u2019m watching a reality TV show. CNN Tonight should just be called, Wait a Second! Now Hold On! Stop Yelling at Each Other, with Don Lemon.<\/p>\n

You know you\u2019re news, right? Come on! But every time I watch CNN, it feels like you\u2019re assigning me homework. \u201cIs Trump a Russian spy? I don\u2019t know, you tell me! Tweet us @AC360.\u201d No, you tell me! I\u2019m watching the news!<\/p>\n

But it feels like I\u2019m watching CNN watch the news. Please: just take an hour. Figure out what you want to say, then go on the air. But whenever I turn you guys on, it feels like a little kid just ran in the room and is trying to tell you a story. You\u2019re just like, \u201cThere\u2019s a wall! $1.4 billion! Paul Ryan?!\u201d Breathe! Take a minute! Drink some milk! Then tell us the story, Wolf.<\/p>\n

I know I\u2019m busting balls. I don\u2019t have a solution on how to win back trust. I don\u2019t. But in the age of Trump, I know that you guys have to be more perfect now more than ever, because you are how the president gets his news. Not from advisors, not from experts, not from intelligence agencies\u2014you guys. So that\u2019s why you gotta be on you\u2019re a game. You gotta be twice as good. You can\u2019t make any mistakes. Because when one of you messes up, he blames your entire group. And now you know what it feels like to be a minority.<\/p>\n

And I can see some of you guys complaining\u2014like, what? I gotta work twice as hard for half the credit? Remember: you\u2019re a minority. You guys got a lot more experience than me, but I got three decades of being brown. So if you want to survive the age of Trump, you gotta think like a minority. And now that you\u2019re a minority, oh, man. Everyone is going to expect you to be the mouthpiece for the entire group. So I hate to say it, but somewhere right now, all of you are being represented by Geraldo Rivera.<\/p>\n

See, now that you\u2019re truly a minority, there\u2019s a distorted version of you out there. You know, Taco Bell for Mexican culture. Panda Express for Chinese culture. Huffington Post for journalism.<\/p>\n

And then, when you actually manage to do great work, you get hit with the most condescending line in the English language: \u201cHey, you\u2019re actually one of the good ones.\u201d Then you have to smile and say \u201cthank you.\u201d Kind of sucks, doesn\u2019t it? By the way\u2014you guys aren\u2019t really minorities.You<\/span> guys are super white. But! I can see MSNBC being like, \u201cwe got our minority card!\u201d No.<\/p>\n

But your work is invaluable, and I mean that as a fake journalist. I am rooting for you. We\u2019re 100 days in, 1,360 days to go. You guys are running the marathon, and I\u2019m at the half-mile mark giving you tape for your nipples. So I\u2019m wishing you nothing but the best. You chafed, man? You a little chafed? It\u2019s a long way to go.<\/p>\n

This has been one of the strangest events I have ever done in my life, to be honest with you. Like, I feel like I\u2019m a tribute in the Hunger Games. If this goes poorly, Steve Bannon gets to eat me.<\/p>\n

But I was asked to not roast the president and the administration in their absentia. And I completely understand that. We are in a very strange situation where there\u2019s a very combative relationship between the press and the president. But now that you guys are minorities, just for this moment, you might understand the position I was in. and it\u2019s the<\/p>\n

same position a lot of minority kids feel in this country. You know, do I come up here and just try to fit in, and not ruffle any feathers? Or do I say how I really feel? Because this event is about celebrating the First Amendment and free speech. Free speech is the foundation of an open and liberal democracy. From college campuses to the White House, only in America can a first generation Indian American Muslim kid get on this stage and make fun of the president. The orange man behind the Muslim ban.<\/p>\n

And it\u2019s a sign to the rest of the world, It\u2019s this amazing tradition that shows the entire world that even the president is not beyond the reach of the First Amendment.<\/p>\n

But the president didn\u2019t show up. Because Donald Trump doesn\u2019t care about free speech. The man who tweets everything that enters his head refuses to acknowledge the amendment that allows him to do it. Think about it, it\u2019s almost\u2014what is it, 11? It\u2019s 11 p.m. right now. In 4 hours, Donald Trump will be tweeting about how bad Nicki Minaj bombed at this dinner, and he\u2019ll be doing it completely sober. And that\u2019s his right. And I\u2019m proud that all of us are here tonight to defend that right, even if the man in the White House never would.<\/p>\n

So I would like to thank the White House Correspondents Association for having me here. I want to thank all of you. I want to thank Woodward and Bernstein for inspiring a generation of journalists. And I would like to thank Donald Trump for inspiring the next. Thank you so much\u2014it\u2019s been an honor.<\/p>\n

Vanity Fair<\/a><\/p>\n<\/section>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Hillary Busis, Television, April 29, 2017 The Daily Show correspondent took no prisoners when he took the stage. I would say it is an honor to be here, but that would be an alternative fact,\u201d Hasan Minhaj\u00a0joked at the start of his scorching, 25-minute White House Correspondents\u2019 Dinner set. \u201cNo one wanted to do […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1001004,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[53],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/worldcampaign.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1375"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/worldcampaign.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/worldcampaign.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worldcampaign.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1001004"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worldcampaign.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1375"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/worldcampaign.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1375\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1376,"href":"https:\/\/worldcampaign.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1375\/revisions\/1376"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/worldcampaign.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1375"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worldcampaign.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1375"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/worldcampaign.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1375"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}