Cardinal Bernard Law\u2019s death<\/a> evoked an avalanche of emotions. The cardinal best known for his role in covering up sexual abuse in the Archdiocese of Boston died on Dec. 20.<\/p>\n\u201cThe reaction will range everywhere from kind of indifference to anger that\u2014in the minds of many\u2014he never had to pay for his crimes of enabling the abuse that went on in Boston,\u201d said Mary Gail Frawley-O\u2019Dea, a clinical psychologist who works with survivors of abuse.<\/p>\n
Ms. Frawley-O\u2019Dea explained that survivors are often angrier with those who surround perpetrators than with perpetrators themselves.<\/p>\n
\u201cPeople have more empathy with the people who hurt them than the people who didn\u2019t do anything,\u201d she said. \u201cAnd that\u2019s where Cardinal Law comes in. He was the poster child for the person who turned a blind eye to evil.\u201d<\/p>\n
In some ways it is an unfair characterization, Ms. Frawley-O\u2019Dea said, because so many bishops were involved in cover-ups.<\/p>\n
Barbara Dorris, executive director of the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, said Christmas time is always tough for survivors. Being reminded of Cardinal Law could make it worse, she said. Many survivors have broken relationships with family members who did not believe them or resented them for speaking out about a beloved priest. Christianity itself has come to be associated with abuse for some.<\/p>\n
\u201cMost of us came from very devout families. We were led to believe priests were God\u2019s representatives,\u201d Ms. Dorris said. \u201cThis piece of your life was supposed to be your moral guideline. It was supposed to be good. It wasn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
Many survivors still go to Catholic churches, while others have joined other faiths, she said. Some are atheists. Survivors may struggle with depression, flashbacks and post-traumatic stress disorder.<\/p>\n
Ms. Dorris said the assumption is often that children have the ability to tell others if they are abused, but they actually \u201cdon\u2019t have the vocabulary to talk about it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor me, when I was raised, the abuse started in the \u201950s,\u201d she said. \u201cI had no words for rape. I had no words for sex. If someone asked me what Father did, I would say he jumped up and down. I had no way of saying this was a completely different thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
In many cases, survivors of abuse believe the abuse itself was their fault, Ms. Dorris said. They need to be told: \u201cI\u2019m sorry this happened to you. It\u2019s not your fault. Help is available. You\u2019re not alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
Deacon Bernie Nojadera, executive director of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops\u2019 office of Child and Youth Protection, said his office had already received a great deal of reaction to the news of Cardinal Law\u2019s death.<\/p>\n
He compared it to the reaction they received after the debut of \u201cSpotlight,\u201d the Oscar-winning film about the Boston Globe\u2019s coverage of the sexual abuse scandal in the Boston archdiocese. The deacon encouraged survivors to reach out to support groups, friends, family and therapists.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey are loved by God. They\u2019ve done nothing wrong, and they are not to be blamed,\u201d Deacon Nojadera tells survivors when he speaks with them. \u201cThey want to heal. They want to move on with their lives. They want to be healthy and holy and have things normal again, whatever that may look like.\u201d<\/p>\n
Suzanne Healy, a therapist who has worked with survivors of clergy abuse, said news reports, like that of Cardinal Law\u2019s death, can trigger emotions thought to have subsided. Survivors should take time for themselves, call their therapists to renew their coping skills and seek spiritual support.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s nothing wrong with saying, \u2018I\u2019m having a hard time because of this,\u2019\u201d Ms. Healy said, adding that it can be tough on all survivors, including those who have yet to come forward. \u201cAs troubling as these stories may be, it could be the opportunity for survivors to come forward and get the care they deserve.\u201d<\/p>\n
Coming forward can be the first step toward healing, she said.<\/p>\n\n\n
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\u201cThere\u2019s so much shame and blame that comes with this that it\u2019s hard to work through all of that,\u201d Ms. Healy said. \u201cAt this time, all of us need to be praying and remembering the survivors\u2019 healing journey. It\u2019s not a one-time thing. It\u2019s a healing journey. Members of the church need to be sensitive and reach out and welcome these survivors.\u201d<\/p>\n
While she advised against reaching out to the church first for help, Ms. Frawley-O\u2019Dea recommended working with someone who has experience with trauma survivors. She said people can heal if they are able to talk it out and work with others who have had similar experiences.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs it ever going to be like it never happened? No,\u201d she said. \u201cBut you can experience post-traumatic growth.\u201d<\/p>\n
America Magazine<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n